Why Commando (1985) is the Ultimate 80s Cheese Masterpiece

When looking back at the golden age of 1980s cinema, 1985's Commando reigns supreme not for its dramatic depth, but as the absolute pinnacle of over-the-top action cheese. While films like The Shawshank Redemption represent cinematic perfection, pure popcorn entertainment belongs to Arnold Schwarzenegger single-handedly taking down an entire mercenary army in 11 hours flat.

Key Takeaways

  • Commando prioritizes pure, unadulterated entertainment and fun over gritty realism or tight plotting.
  • The film features an incredible collection of over-the-top one-liners delivered by Arnold Schwarzenegger at his peak.
  • Major plot holes, such as John Matrix surviving massive plane and warehouse attacks without a scratch, add to its enduring rewatchability.
  • The unique ensemble cast, including Vernon Wells as the unforgettable villain Bennett, elevates the B-movie charm.

The Anatomy of Eighties Cheese

There is a distinct difference between a masterpiece of cinema and a masterpiece of cheese. While high-art movies demand emotional investment and intellectual engagement, movies like Commando ask you to check your brain at the door and enjoy the pyrotechnics. If you think too hard about the plot holes, you will pull a muscle, yet that is precisely where the charm lies. You can easily watch this movie multiple times a week just to count the one-liners or marvel at the sheer audacity of the premise.

The film opens with an idyllic, almost sitcom-style sequence of John Matrix and his daughter Jenny feeding deer and eating ice cream, completely juxtaposed against the gratuitous, wall-to-wall violence that immediately follows once the villains strike. It establishes the tone instantly: we are here for a hyper-masculine fairy tale where good muscles beat bad guys every single time.

Plot Holes and Pure Entertainment Value

One of the greatest joys of revisiting Commando decades later is spotting the logistical impossibilities that no modern action movie would dare attempt. Take, for instance, the legendary airplane scene. Matrix snaps a mercenary's neck in first class, props him up with a pillow and a blanket, and walks away. For the remainder of a five-hour flight, no flight attendant checks on the sleeping passenger, and nobody notices that Matrix never returns to his seat from the bathroom.

Then there is the sheer volume of weaponry. Matrix loads up on an entire military surplus store's worth of heavy artillery from a rack of guns that subtly shifts configurations between cuts. It is an impossible, bottomless arsenal, but it serves the ultimate fantasy of the unstoppable 80s action hero. These minor narrative infractions do not hinder the film; they elevate it into meme-worthy territory that fans celebrate to this day.

Iconic Villains and a Memorable Cast

No action hero is better than his adversaries, and Commando delivers an unforgettable rogues' gallery. Vernon Wells plays Captain Bennett with a look that can only be described as Freddie Mercury on steroids, sporting a magnificent mustache and a skin-tight chainmail vest that remains one of the most baffling wardrobe choices in cinema history.

Alongside Wells, David Patrick Kelly plays the sleazy, snarky Sully with incredible punchability. The sequence where Matrix dangles Sully over a cliff by one ankle—culminating in the immortal promise, "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? I lied"—solidifies the movie's status as a pop-culture touchstone. Even Ray Dawn Chong's character Cindy undergoes a hilariously fast transformation from panicked hostage to Matrix's most loyal tactical accomplice, rounding out an eclectic ensemble that keeps the energy high from start to finish.

Conclusion

Commando remains an essential watch for anyone looking to recapture the untamed spirit of 1980s blockbuster entertainment. Its unapologetic embrace of cheese, iconic quotes, and relentless pacing ensure it will always hold a special place in the retro movie canon. To dive even deeper into the production secrets, behind-the-scenes trivia, and a spirited round of Risky Quizness, make sure to Listen to the full episode of the 80's Flick Flashback Podcast!

Frequently Asked Questions

Was Commando intended to be a serious action movie originally?

Yes, screenwriter Jeph Loeb originally conceived the script as a gritty, realistic drama about a disillusioned mercenary before studio rewrites turned it into an explosive vehicle for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Why does Captain Bennett wear such a bizarre outfit in Commando?

Vernon Wells was a last-minute replacement for another actor on the first day of filming. Because Wells was much larger, the costume department had no time to remake his clothes, resulting in his infamously tight, chainmail-knit sweater vest look.

Is Commando available on major streaming platforms?

Commando frequently rotates off mainstream streaming services, often requiring fans to rent or purchase it digitally on platforms like Amazon Prime Video to get their 80s action fix.